YANKEE CANDLE — The candle making company Yankee Candle has introduced a new scented candle to their line up of 40,000 plus other bullshit candles. The new ‘Shit Yo Pants’ scented candle smells exactly like someone shit their pants.
The odd choice of scent came to fruition after candle maker John Briggs shit his pants while on Tinder date.
“I was on a first date with this chick I met on the dating app, Tinder. We had just got back to her studio apartment after having dinner and I was super stoked to maybe get a little action (if you know what I mean), but my bowels started to act up. I couldn’t stop passing gas. I took it upon myself to light a candle, some mango smelling piece of shit and that did nothing to cover up the stench of my ass. As the gas kept passing, the flatulence kept getting juicier. My date asked if I was okay, which was super embarrassing. Finally I excused myself to the bathroom and when I pulled down my drawers, I found that the juicy farts were not juicy farts. I had shit my pants.”
John continued with his long ass winded story, so we will just paraphrase the rest for you.
John ended up sitting on this chicks sofa with her, shit and all. Finally the Tinder gal told him to get the hell out and go wash his ass. Which John eventually did.
It wasn’t until the following Monday while at his Yankee Candle making job, that he realized he needed to pitch a new scent to the big wigs, because that mango smelling shit put him in a bad situation over the weekend.
During his work breaks, John worked on a new scented candle, eventually settling on the ‘Shit Yo Pants’ scent. The reason behind the scent, he thought it would be a great candle to have on hand just in case you do shit your pants and you have company over.
“Think of it — you are with a date and you shit your pants. It happens, because I’m living proof. So you shit yo pants and then you quickly whip out the ‘Shit Yo Pants’ Yankee Candle. Sort of a joke right…you light that bitch and boom! Your date things that the awful smell coming from your pants, is just the shit smelling candle! Genius right?”
Actually John, that is fucking brilliant!
