AUGUSTA, MAINE — Governor Janet Mills of Maine has implemented an executive order that requires all restaurant wait staff throughout the state, to wear ‘cones of shame’ as they serve customers. The cones ensure that the wait staff’s breath is directed upwards and not downwards towards customers while engaging with them. The dramatic order came after the state reached a whopping 4,700 positive COVID-19 cases……in 6-months……out of 1.3 million Maine residents.
We spoke with a few waiters and waitresses throughout Maine to see how they feel about the new executive order and this is what they had to say:
They are fucking dog cones. Dog cones. D.O.G. Cones! Janet Mills is a female dog. • Jaime Slaney
I had a pissed of customer pour an entire glass of cranberry juice into my ‘cone’. So yea…I don’t care for them. • Dean Simmons
Basically I’m smelling my own breath all day and I have to hold my notepad over my cone so I’m able to take an order…because it’s really hard to see while wearing this thing. • Megan Weigelt
Why doesn’t Governor Janet Mills wear a cone? She’s out talking to people all the time…cone up bitch. • Macy Black
We spoke with over 40 wait staff and they all seem to agree that the cones of shame are bullshit. I mean…they do look ridiculous.