LITTLE ITALY, NEW YORK CITY — Carl Rossi was held his against his will and made to look on as large pineapple slices were placed on top of his mozzarella and tomato pizza. Last Friday, Rossi ordered a large mozzarella and tomato pie from a local pizzeria. While Rossi doesn’t typically order from this pizzeria, he decided to place an order because it was close to his home. Upon entering the pizzeria, Rossi was recognized by three local Italians that he went to high school with. Then shit went down.
I walk into Romano’s Pizzeria to pay for and pick up my pie and these three goons from my block, some assholes I graduated high school with, just pounce on me, grab me and hold me down. I’m like, ‘whoa, relax boys’ and they just kept yelling, ‘put the pineapple on, put the pineapple on’. The pizza cook comes around the corner with my pie in one hand and big stack of pineapple in the other. One of the goons grabbed my face super hard and forced me to watch as the cook placed these massive fucking slices of pineapple on my pie. I was absolutely disgusted. I began vomiting and the goon holding my face, let go. I just got up, brushed myself off and told them all to go to hell. Everyone was laughing hysterically like it was hilarious fucking joke. I left the pizzeria (without my pie) and just went home. I will never go to Romano’s again. Assholes. • Carl Rossi