BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA — Paul Bouchard has spent the last week stressing over how he will address his son, Josh, at the families upcoming Sunday dinner. Josh recently entered into priesthood and Paul has no clue if he should call his son, son – or father.
I haven’t seen Josh in a few months and he’s showing up to Sunday dinner as a full blown priest. I have some people coming to dinner from my work and I have no fucking idea how to introduce my son to them. Do I say ‘Hey, this is my son Josh, or hey, this is Father Josh…or hey, this is my son, Father Josh. Like what the hell – oops – I mean what the heck. I’m just so stressed over this. Why couldn’t Josh just become a damn engineer like we always talked about.
We caught up with Paul after the Sunday dinner and just like we thought, Paul fucked it all up.
I show up to this dinner and my dad is acting super awkward. He went to hug me, but then stopped. Then he tried shaking my hand, but he ended up just kneeling in front of me and bowing his head. Fast forward an hour or so and his friends from work show up to the house. Dad is like, ‘Hey guys, this is my son, but he’s a father’. And they are all like, ‘Oh cool, how many kids to you have’. And my dad is like, ‘No, he’s not that kind of father, he’s Jesus’ father’. I quickly changed the subject by saying I had to piss and grab some shrimp. Maybe I should have thought more about my career choice.