CDC Officials Predict Deltacron Could Be The Most Profitable Variant Yet!

by Bavocado

Washington, D.C. — CDC officials released a bulletin to all employees Friday morning, stating that when they finally announce  ‘Deltacron’ as the new, most dangerous variant of COVID-19 yet – profits will soar!

We spoke with one CDC employee (who wished to remain anonymous) and this is what they had to say:

It’s such an exciting time when we prepare to release a new variant to the public. The first two were flops, and Omicron is sort of okay, but Deltacron…holy fuck…watch out for this one people! In reality it is the exact same COVID-19 virus that has been around for a few years, but with a name like Deltacron, shit is about to get real! People are going to flip out! It’s sounds like a damn Transformer and you don’t fuck with Transformers. People everywhere will be buying home tests like crazy, getting all vaxxed up and shit. Government agency and big pharma are going to absolutely kill it with this one! Big bonus here I come!- Anonymous CDC employee

Not everyone is excited as the CDC employees and big pharma:

Sweet baby Jesus, another fucking variant? You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve already spent damn near $300 on home COVID tests, I’m about tapped. – Ray Simone

At this point, screw the vaccine, just inject me with all the crons and I’ll take my chances. If the lord wants me…he will take me. If not, them I’m stuck dealing with this bullshit on Earth for a little longer I guess.  – Janice Oakes

There is not set date as to when the CDC will be declaring Deltacron as the next variant. We would assume by January 28th, 2022. Just a feeling.