New York City, New York — A popular shoe company has announced a recall on nearly 1 million pairs of shoes due to a faulty heel. The heel is said to break with ease, causing those who wear them to trip and fall. Just before the recall was announced, word of the faulty heels spread across the globe as women everywhere were falling, twisting ankles and tumbling to embarrassment.
We interviewed a few individuals who fell victim to the heel wreckage, in addition to speaking with those who witnessed the tumbledown effects of the faulty heel.
I work in the city and I gots to tell ya, bitches be trippin’ all over the place! I mean, just the other day I was walking down 4th and 9th and bitches were tumbling over themselves, screaming in agony, little bits and pieces of heel flying all over the place. It was mayhem. It was also Monday. – Charlie S. (Witness)
I have bought a ton of shoes from this company over the years, so when I bought these new heels, I had great confidence that they would be comfortable and not fucking break. Well, they broke. It was embarrassing as I was on a date when it happened. There I was, end of the date, looking to get a little action as it’s been a while and BOOM – I tried to get a little kiss and instead I fell onto the disgusting New York City streets. My leftovers from dinner strewn all over the fucking place. My date didn’t help me up at all, he just laughed. We still banged, but still. Wtf. – Morgan F.
Fuck. These. Heels. – Darlene T.
First off, I’m no creeper or anything, but sometimes I like to people watch out my bedroom window – using binoculars ya know. So last Tuesday I’m checking out the working class as they heading to work, ya know, and I hear this loud snapping sound, over and over and over again. As I’m hearing it, I’m thinking ‘oh fuck, someone popping off some rounds’, ya know, this be the city. But that wasn’t the case. I’m scanning the crowd with my binocs and I’m watching women just fall, one by one, like it was a heel pandemic. From a distance them heels looked fresh and comfy – but they killers man – them heels be out here looking to get manslaughter charges, ya know. – Marcus D. III